What I've been up to...

Hello again,

So as the title of the post suggests, this entry is about the things that I've been up to. Well, the answer to that is nothing much. I have spent most of my time observing muggles and the way they scurry about on their day.

It's rather fascinating as I've come to notice that muggles tend to walk about without noticing much. It's like they are moving or walking on auto-pilot. Auto-pilot, as I have come to understand is the movement in which an object is travelling without any external interference (usually a human being). Used on a human being, I believe the term describes the void of conscious thought in an individual that's on the move. I have to clarify here, the muggles that I was observing were alone. Anyway, I have seen on a few occasions that these muggles bumped into something while walking along. Granted, their focus was on the mobile phone or some other mobile device (which I later found out to be called iPads).

You might have been wondering why I've had that much time observing muggles, well, I have been granted free reign to observe and research about muggles from the ministry and have thus given up my position at Hogwarts. I do still have my office at Hogwarts though so I might still whine about the annoying first years that are zipping past the corridors. Although, it appears that there is an increasing amount of them that are muggle born. Which suggests that we might not be that different after all.

Going back to the subject, I might talk to a few muggles to learn more about this auto-pilot thing they have going. I suppose, it's similar to us being caught up in our own thoughts that we often find ourselves at our destination without realizing it.

Anyway, apart from muggle watching, I have been playing around with muggle games as well. There are a few games that I have been enjoying and a few that have made me jump, most of which are being recorded and being edited. I do enjoy the editing process, the steps in which muggles go through to produce a piece of work although I'm blindly bundling my way around.

Alright, I shall stop here for now.

As always, leave me a comment and let me know what you think, or just say hi!

Farewell,
Lord Severus

Trapped

Waking up in a sunny, grassy field, he couldn't remember how he got there. Feeling the warmth of the sun, shinning upon his face, feeling the cool breeze blowing through, smelling the freshness of the air. There should be a beach nearby, he thought.

Noticing a path a few meters away, which wasn't there before, he was feeling quite happy and didn't notice the little details. It seemed like a magical place and he didn't want to return to where he was before, refused to remember the what was troubling him. He knew that he was troubled by something, perhaps in another world but this world seemed so warm and gay, a gift, and he didn't want to waste it. Deciding to follow that path against the fresh sea breeze, he felt optimistic and carefree. He couldn't remember the last time he felt this amount of freedom. He had started skipping along the path, dancing to an invisible tune, there wasn't any fatigue, he felt like he could run forever. The path seemed to be going on forever. The scenery seemed the same. Was he skipping on the spot? No. He was sure that he was moving forward. Beginning to panic a little, he started running along the path. His logical mind is telling him to look out for signs, look for changes, look out for anything that might indicate where he might actually be, but the sudden irrationality that he didn't realized he had was fighting against all reason with the tenacity of a dragon guarding it's treasure.

That slight panic that he had grew as the time he spent running increased. Everything looked the same. Time seemed to have stopped. How long was it that he woke up here? How long was he even running? Why isn't he feeling tired? Why does it feel like he didn't have a choice? Why does the air seem to feel thick? He began to realized that his movements were becoming slower. It wasn't that he was tired, it just seem that he needed to exert more energy to maintain the same speed. Was his body finally giving in to the assumed stress or was there something more sinister behind this?

He knew that he couldn't stop because it will be over for him. He had a nagging feeling, as if something was after him and would suffocate him if he stopped. Looking back over his shoulders, he couldn't see anything wrong behind him. There was that straight path, with grass on both sides, the blue skies, the exact view he had looking forward. What is going on?

The air around him seemed to grow thicker, as if running through syrup, he imagined or had felt the air turning into invisible chains, trying to restrict his movements, holding him down, grounded in place, to suffocate, terminate. He felt the terror building in him. He wanted to leave this place. He could no longer remember the warmth and freedom he had experienced from this place. He fought against the resistance of the atmosphere around him and looked around, his heart sank as he could not see any possible escape. Is he to die here? Perhaps. Accepting his fate, he slowed down his movements, feeling the invisible chains tightening around his arms and feet, finally kneeling on the path, he looked down at his faced up palms, he was trapped, shedding a tear, he prepared himself for the inevitable suffocation.

He woke up suddenly, wiping away the cold sweat that had formed on his forehead and the tears that he was shedding, he looked at the clock and read that it was six in the morning. Releasing himself from the covers that's wrapped around him, he stood up and headed for the bathroom. A brand new day and when night falls, the cycle repeats itself.

That suffocation. 

A new feeling.

Sitting in an arm chair by the fire, surrounded by the dark and silent common room, gazing at the flames dancing upon the firewood, listening to the sound of crackling fire, the serenity of being alone. He loved being in the common room when there wasn't anyone around. It was one of his guilty pleasures. The enjoyment of being alone, surrounded by the magnificence of the common room, the transition from a dark room into a room filled with dancing prisms of light reflecting of the window panes as the sun begins to rise, illuminating the black lake. At times, the giant squid can be spotted swimming up to the glass, as if to acknowledge that he was there.

He never minded if the giant squid was swimming around, at times, he would watch as it gracefully moves from one window, to the next, thinking that it must have felt free. He felt that the giant squid understood him and gave him, his space. It was always that little gesture that seemed to bond them and he felt accepted.

It was yet another peaceful, quiet early morning when a muffled sound could be heard behind him.

There shouldn't be anyone moving about during this time, he thought.

As he was beginning to think that he must have imagined the sound, that same muffled sound was heard again. This time, it was a little closer. Thinking that it was one of those prank pulling kids, he slowly drew out his wand and readied himself for a confrontation. The adrenaline rushed through his body, keeping his wand arm steady, he slowly turned his head to look at his approaching enemy.

What he saw, shocked him. It wasn't an enemy. What he saw was a beautiful girl with bright red hair that's down to her waist, pajamas with little jack o'lanterns patterns, warm furry slippers that were probably the ones making that muffled sound whenever she took a step, her wand arm out and pointed towards him with her deer in headlights look. She was as shocked to see him as he was her.

Opening his palm, facing towards her, slowly and carefully, he lowered his hands while standing up to face her, laying his wand on the arm of the chair. Taking a slow and steady step back, she decided that it was safe to approach. Her pajamas ruffled as she took a step forward, exhibiting the grace that she has.

He gestured to the vacant couch beside the fire, his eyes never leaving hers. He was mesmerized. He had seen her around the common room once or twice but it was always from afar. The firelight enhanced some of her features and brought to his attention, how beautiful her eyes were.

"What are you doing down here so early?" She asked.

"I'm usually here, this time. It's. Peaceful." He said without thinking.

He had never been so upfront about his feelings before and it was slightly disconcerting. He quickly regained his composure as he realized that she has been looking at him in silence.

"You're welcomed to join me if you wish. Unfortunately, I'm not good company this morning. I've got the Monday Blues." He said, attempting to lighten the mood.

"Well, I was actually trying to see if I could catch a house elf in action. I'll be going now." She spoke, smiled sweetly and continued.

"Happy blue monday."

Choices.

As the moon revealed itself among the cloudy sky, a pale ray of light descents from the night sky, softly illuminating a clear patch of ground, in the middle of a forest. Laying down on the grass, a lone figure can be seen staring into the night sky. It was not a good night for star gazing but that was not the only thing this lone figure is interested in.

He loves coming out here in the middle of the night. The rustling leaves, the sweet and slightly woody scent riding on the winds, the crunch of twigs, the scuttling of creatures, the feeling of being one with nature. The peace and the calm makes it an ideal place for thinking. All worldly distractions casts aside, the only way the inner voice can be heard.

His thoughts went back into the past and flew out into the future. What he was, what he is, and what he will be. The many possibilities that may have happened that would change him, for the good or the worse. He pondered deeply, as he has always done, in this circular clearing, deep within the forest, the consequences of certain decisions. It is funny how one would realize the results of actions that were taken so many years ago. The turning point, the crossroads, the decisions.

The choices.

The taste of freedom.

As the rain lashed upon the windows of my room, the thunders bellowed in the sky and the winds howling and gnashing at all in it's path, I was suddenly taken back into time. Not literally, but my mind traveled back, to a time stored away, deep inside the depths of my memory. 

It was a painful childhood, that I could tell you. The many occasions of being forced to do things you never wanted to do, be with people you never liked, behave according to how society dictate. The feeling of oppression was ever present, like a shadow, lurking behind my every move. 

The hunger and taste for freedom was always there, beneath the exterior, bubbling within my soul. It was at this thought that I remembered the first time I tasted the sweet and lovely taste of freedom. 

There was supposed to be a black and white dinner party hosted at the manor. Needless to say, I was forced to attend and help. The house elves were busy cleaning and preparing the food for the guests, changing the decoration, using the finest silverware, pulling out all the stops. No stone was left unturned. No stone, except me.  

As the time for the party drew near, I let myself out onto the balcony overlooking the garden. I've always loved standing on the balcony in the evening. The peace and quiet, the silence, the breeze, going wherever it wants to go. The house elves knew that I will be on one of these balconies and one of them apparated beside me, informing that I was to be at the entrance, greeting guests as they arrive in a couple of minutes and offered me a glass of wine.

Dismissing the elf, I peered into the horizon, sipping wine as I await for the rest of guests to arrive. The muffled sound of conversation squeezed though the double doors, hell bent on interrupting my enjoyment of the evening breeze. Letting out a sigh. I thought to myself, "it won't be long now".

Defying my parents, I stood there on the balcony, willing time to slow, procrastinating the sound of a cracked whip, indicating a house elf being sent to retrieve me. I was beginning to despair as the sounds behind the double doors increased. I knew that it indicated the influx of guests, and while pondering the distaste for social interaction, the darkening skies tells me that it's about time to head down and mingle.

I was about to move from my stationary position, when the thought of going through yet another evening of mindless, superficial, pompous mingling felt suffocating. Loosening the bow tie I was wearing, a sudden brilliance flashed into the depths of my troubled mind. I could escape. There would be too many at this party to realize that I'm gone. 

"This is madness" I told myself, and yet the sudden adrenaline coursing through my veins, the alertness that I felt, the excitement of escaping from it all made me feel alive. The strange feeling of being so free is something that was extremely new to me. I laughed silently as I tore off my bow tie and laid it upon the barrier, the barrier to freedom. I smiled, closed my eyes and...

Apparated.

A flashback.

Listening to the racket outside the courtyard as I stood looking down into the faces of the first years laughing, screaming, talking, playing around and generally excited to be here at Hogwarts, I am brought back to the time when I was a first year.

The excitement of finally arriving at school and being away from parents, the feeling of making new friends that would not judge me by my background, the sense of starting a new journey.

It was the beginning of a new life, and I was feeling good.